It has been twenty two days since my last post, and boy what a twenty two days it has been.

I don't care to go into detail. It sucked, 'twas manic and crazy, and filled with upheaval. I can't say much more without opening the speficicity can of worms.

Tonight I haven't been sleeping. I'm quite wide awake, and it's three AM. That's not too unusual, but it does point to a possible manic upswing. For all that such upswings always get me into trouble, they feel fucking great most of the time. Sometimes they end up being far too much, and the aftermath is always horrible. It's a bit like drug addiction though, once you're no longer high you have to deal with all the consequences of having neglected shit, so you want to get high again and forget it all. that's how it goes. Right now I just kind of want to be manic so I can go out and spend money, do drugs, get laid, and not give a fuck about any of it. Of course I don't actually want to do any of this because I know how much it fucks up my existence, but damn would it be nice to get out of the shithole I've been in.

Things are all right though. I just want a bit more companionship of an intimate sort (I've plenty in the way of friends) and a bit more of a fulfilling day to day existence. What I really want to do is either move to Ireland for a year. Just pick up and go right now ditching everything, or go on tour playing music. The difference between the two options is the going off to play music is far far more viable. I might be able to actually pull that off. I've been playing a lot of music lately. I've always been playing a lot of music, but now I'm playing more of my own. I was looking at my forearms tonight and thinking about how much bigger than my biceps they are. This is just because I play bass and guitar for hours every day. My forearms are beastly, but my biceps are as whimpy as can be. I like my forearms so that's fine by me but it provides interesting evidence for how i spend most of my time.

This has turned into somewhat of a rant, but I suppose that's what this blog has become. It's of no incidence as no one reads it, but I still should work on that.