Sunday, August 20, 2006


My Posts have been sporadic and rather random, for this I appologize.
I also appologize for ranting about random things that have no effect on your life, and likely are of no interest to you.
even so, here I go again.

This is along the lines of one of the other posts I made called "I've Found"

This will sound ridiculous. I Only know how it will sound to you because of how it sounds to me.
I think I may have found the girl I'd like to marry.

So one problem with being all obsessive compulsive is that it gets hard to seperate disorderly obsessions from actual feelings and needs. This is definately a case of that.
I know that when I have had crushes, they were often partly functions of that obsessive streak of mine.
this is a bit harder to tell.

back to the whole marriage thing. that is completely utterly ridiculous. I'm only 18, marriage should be the last thing on my mind. Of course when I say girl I'd like to marry, I don't mean now. I mean after a good 5 or 6 or how ever many years it takes of being with eachother, then living together, then just...
It's not like I'm thinking of rushing into anything, or like I want to elope this moment. It's more like this is the first time I've thought that maybe this could become a natural progression to somehow spending the rest of our lives together.

after just a month (less even), this isn't the sort of thing I should be considering. this could very well be a product of having my first relationship. I have had girlfriends before, but with them there was no possibility of it going anywhere, emotionaly or otherwise.
I suppose this is a bit the same, because she is moving to Boston, there shouldn't be a possibility of it going anywhere. For some reason I still feel like it could.

the thing is, I wouldn't be surprised if she moved, and then I thought about her every day for a month, then it became every other day, and then every week, and then every month, and by then it wouldn't really matter, she's just be a bit of a memory. but right now, I can't conceive of that as what will realy happen.
I feel almost like I'll go through all 4 years of college, seeing her maybe durring the summers, maybe not, and stil have this feeling like I could grow old with her.

I feel stupid and neurotic posting this on the internet.
everyone has access to this. And I DEFINATELY don't want to tell her any of this, simply because it's a bit insane, a bit obsessive, and supposing there were actualy a chance of growing old with her, might ruin that chance.

so clicking the little publish post button at the bottom of my screen is probably stupid.

but I'm going to push it anyways, in the hopes that maybe It will make me feel better, clear up any confusion I'm having about all of this.
maybe just stating it will make things a bit better.
here's to hoping.

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