Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Getting used to drugs is too long of a process. I don't want to have to take my medicine for a month before feeling any better. I don't want to have more energy but be just as little desire to do things as when I was too tired to leave bed. I would rather just get better right now. Honestly it would be a lot easier if I just got some physical injury. If I broke my leg, then there would be a clear cut way to deal with it and I would have a general idea of how long it would take me to get better. Same with most medical things, but it's not so with mental illness.
Once you're determined to get help and get things figured out it's still months until you feel any better.
I started getting treatment somewhere around January of last year, and yet here it is a year later and I'm still struggling to get things straight. New problems have arisen and some of the old problems aren't so bad, but I sure as hell am still crazy.
The thing is I'm not even that bad off. I caught the signs early, got early help, had a relatively mild case (at least I think so) if it's this bad for me, then how bad must it be for schizophrenics and manic depressives? How much time is lost to being crazy. Statistically the majority (don't quote me but it's higher than eighty percent) of people will get some sort of mental illness or defect sometime in their lives. you probably know someone with something wrong with them.
Frankly it just sucks.
I still don't really want to tell people that I'm obsessive compulsive, or depressed. I don't know how to explain it.
Depression is fairly common though.
even the common things are hard to admit too.
There's such a stigma, and healing takes such a long time, and while you're healing the entire world is that much harder to deal with.
It's so gradual, getting back to a base level of existence.
I've just about had enough of it, but of course it's likely to keep going, and it's not going to be a short process.

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