Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Yes I am a Biology Nerd
it is a map (a diagram if you will) of all of the metabolic pathways in the human body, as a biochemist I am not, this could be extremely useful, and despite the extreme nerdyness, If I do double major in NPB ( which is seeming more and more likely every day) I will definately either buy the poster, assuming they begin to sell it again, or print out every single portion of it and put it all together on my wall.
for all you other biology nerds, medicine nerds, science nerds, chemistry nerds, and just generaly awesome people like that, go check this out
(sure you prolly won't be so giddy about it {so giddy I would have had to wipe my coke bottle glasses on my shirt right below my pocket protector, if i had either of those items} but it'll prolly seem pretty cool anyways)
Biochemical Pathways - Metabolic Pathways
there is also
Biochemical Pathways - Cellualr and Mollecular Processes
lyrics to "Our Cardinal Virtues"
It might also have a bit to do with my compulsive tendencies, sometimes I feel that I HAVE to post. (even though my readership is either sparse or non-existent) I also tend to be a bit obsesive (isn't there a disorder for that? [ah the joys of sarcasm])
This is one of the compulsion posts.
here are some lyrics to the songs of the band which I shamelessly plugged, they're good, well I think so because I wrote them, but I think they're good, you might too.
I'll just get the lyrics to all of Our Cardinal Virtues (the album name) on here, because I might as well, and I'm feeling unproductive now and this might make me feel better
Prudence (say it again)
The Last time you said this
I ended up face down
the last time you said this
I ended up windblown
screaming is passe, pain is over done,
sorrow's too dramatic and I think you've won
So say it again
lay me out facedown
say it again
forsake me to wastelands
cold is the night soul rent between justificications
say it again, say it again
Fortitude ( attempts to sustain)
Knife like an ice pick
eyes are like toy balls
a childhood revisited
asking “where's my red flyer”
my Lego's my notebooks
and gone is my past
forever buried
under piles of things
attempts to sustain
attempts to remain back there.
Phone calls and emails
and conversations at dawn
are gone beneath junk
a counterintuitive stop gap
against time
Justice (past sayings repeated)
I'm having aural hallucinations again
repetitions of past sayings
my name called over and over
I turn to see no one
I turn to see someone, but no one's there.
They have no precedent for rose colored head phones
my ears deceive me
what to follow
my ears, I trusted, betrayed me
I'll pull a Van Gogh
I'll end up like Hollyfeild
but that won't save me.
I turn to see no one
I turn to see someone but no one's there
Temperance (here be monsters)
This life is unmapped
so much filled with warnings of
Here be monsters
Uncharted waters move
tideless unseen.
I am left
no skill in cartography
to map this void
this future that is mine
caution on excess and life is wasted
caution underused shall
lead to disaster
To map the void
the fate of all
cartographers or armatures
all must fend for
themselves.
I play the laptop
As the title of this post suggests, I play the laptop in this band. as odd as that seems, it makes quite a bit of sense. I also play the bass, so I'm not being an uber-geek, or a techno-freak (yay for rhyming).
How this transpired is that my longtime friend and musical partner (after my leaving of the band we had both started, Under Autumn Skies) started working on our "project". For a long time we had been contemplating making music in which only the two of us played. the problem there is that we want so many things to be in the music, that we would be forced to either be a band which only did recordings, or we would have to find other musicians for live pereformances. when we went to Oregon to record and Paul (my guitarists) brother in law's house, we decided that we simply would never even try to find more members, he can sing and play his insane guitar riffs at the same time, and I can compose things on the computer, and since I got a hold of a very good editing program called Ableton Live 5, I am able to play just about anything, and edit just about anything on my own.
the recordings we have posted now are of a rough nature, i have done very little mastering on them yet.
Paul plays guitar and sings
I play the Bass and the Laptop
we both write everything, he writes all guitar lines, and most times makes the general form of the basslines, I do the general stuff for the drums, and I write the lyrics. the rest is colaborative.
we are at
www.myspace.com/thehemlockcatharsis
thank you for tolerating this shameless plug
now back to our regular programing
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Epiphany
I've had this realization multiple times, but it was so strong tonight that it felt worth mention.
not even a full second was taken up by the actual expirience.
I was talking to myself in my bathroom mirror. not the usual criticisms and approval remarks that people make to themselves in mirrors, more random comments on things on my mind, tonight that was medicine (the profession, not drugs)
I had a flash of insight when I looked directly at my mirror image
"this is me"
but it wasn't long enough for something that verbal to form.
the thought was too all encompasing for one phrase
there were elements of
"what is existence?"
"do I exist?'
and
"I am going to die"
the most shocking thing about this is that in the past when I am hit with that realization, that I am going to die, a deep seated fear rises its ugly head, but this time I felt calm relaxed and OK about my eventual death.
My eventual death felt right.
that is part of what made this whole thing so surreal. I would never think of my death as right.
I know I will die, and I'll deal with it weather or not I want to, but I am about to go into medicine, the profession of fighting death, I am not naturaly comfortable with my own, or anyonelses death.
It almost makes me think that this calm, is not mine. be it from God, or from some collective conciousness, my own personal halucination, or simply another step on my path to enlightenment, it wasn't something that the me I know would do.
quite a conundrum eh?
Friday, May 19, 2006
my new phone
I can see how someone would get very caught up in playing with their technology, of course I have little time for that anymore, but the computer geek who must get every new thing may never die in me, even if he is subdued.
Davis
I also had a conversation with a fellow pre-med today, who is double majoring in Psychology and NPB (Neurobiology Physiology and Behaviour), and I have come to the conclusion that I may want to double major as well. Not because other people are doing it, but upon hearing about how she was doing hers I got rather excited about the possibilites, suggesting that that would be a good call. NPB would likely be a good second major for me (I am already accepted to UC Davis as a Psychology major, and i'm getting my BS in Pyschology no matter what) I looked into biological sciences and mollecular biology and biomedical engineering and a few other alternate majors, but none seems so perfectly tailored to what i'd like to do as NPB. (what i'd like to do being either Medicine or Clinical Psychology)
Ah, the joys of deciding.
I also got a new cell phone as I mentioned at the begining of this post. It's one of those newfangled Sony Ericsson phones. ( feel like such an old fogey using words like newfangled [old fogey at 18, that's sad])
I can't for the life of me think of why i'd need to use all of the features on this thing, my old phone (which is now obsolete) worked just fine, with out all the bells and whistles on this new one, for instance a camera. Being somewhat interested in photography, I am ashamed that cameras have been added to every phone in existance. if I want to take a photo I want it to look good, and taking a photo with a cell phone doesn't exactly inspire one to be careful about lighting or inspire your subject to not act like an ass.
for all that I can't immagine the necessity for all the bells and whistles on this new phone I must say that it is nice having a good 50% more pocket space than I did before. no longer do my phone my pocket knife and my sharpie contend for front row seats to my crotch.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Dreams of my Russian Summers
I would suggest this book to absolutly any thinking, or feeling (or some combination thereof) person in existence.
I have a tendency to over praise books, this is not an exemplification of that tendency.
I don't use the term genius lightly.
this book is genius.
go buy it
(if you take whatever I say with a grain of salt, maybe you'll like it that much more when you're surprised to find that I'm totaly right.)
Thursday, May 11, 2006
inactivity
this is something I wrote back in the day, I don't know how relevant it is (if at all), but here it is, I may expand it some day, but it's pretty straight forward so I don't know if there's much to expand
All American Love Story
Her eyes were blue, but he couldn’t have cared less. Her hair was blond, but he didn’t think it mattered. Her body was that of a goddess, and he could live without it. Her heart was golden, he longed for that more than anything. Her mind was strong and alert, he wanted with all his heart to have that mind at his disposal, to be able to add to her intelligence.
Of course her beauty was the first thing he noticed, but with no heart, no soul, what is a person worth? Ugly people have a bad time with that, great people but they’re not noticed due to ugliness of body. She had the gift of being as beautiful on the outside as she was within. Perhaps he obsessed too much, but even so he loved her. He might have tried just a little too hard, but still he noticed her(unlike some other guys). The fact that he loved her for more than her outward appearance was what made him differ from others, he didn’t just want her, he loved her. Even with his exceptional love for her, she time after time turned him down. She had a boyfriend a week, and yet he was never one of those boys, always just watching, waiting for the next gap between boyfriends. He spent four years waiting, and then he got his nerve and asked her for the hundred and somethingth time, once again he was rejected. Over and over she told him to screw off, but he persisted. Over time he slowly became deranged with the terrible yearning of unrequited love, and in a heat of fury and passion (hardly justifies it) he killed her boyfriend. He had known her boyfriend all his life, he was actually his best friend but that didn’t stop him. He knew she’d never give him a chance so he took the life of he who she had. As he would do again if necessary if only to keep her isolated. His mind was torn between murder and losing the one he loved, he chose quickly and as you can tell he chose the terrible crime committed. He acted too harshly and it was a terrible deed he knew but the murder was in some way committed with reason(in his mind). There was his chance. He asked once again, the blood of the crime still on his hands and soon found that she was not the girl he though she was. She was a bitch. She was a snob. She was a slut. She wasn’t worth it. That night he “put her out of her misery” and disposed of himself. What an all American love story.
wow, i had forgoten how macarbe that is. but yea, thats sort of, deranged.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Friday, March 17, 2006
Chain Letter
anyhow, here's the idea, (it's stated in the letter so I'm just gonna post that)
Dear whoever,
Even though I don't like the term chain-letter, I guess this is one. Not in the sense that if you don't mail it on to fifty billion people a chandelier will fall on your head. More in the sense that when you get this, it'd be really nice of you to add your own bit and then send it on to someone else.
The whole point of this letter is to spread stories, and to bring back letter writing. If you don't feel like sending this to someone else, give it to a friend who might have something to add.
Anyhow, here's what you do. Put down your name and the place you live, and then write a little thing about something beautiful you saw today, or yesterday, or ten years ago, or something beautiful you want to see, just something beautiful. And by beautiful I mean something you find beautiful.
I'll start us off
Patrick
Clear Creek, Northern California.
The snow tonight was really beautiful. I mean, snow in and of itself is nothing too remarkable for me, but this snow was really nice. I got out of a test and I was walking towards my car, and the snow was just so nice and light. It was sort of perfect. It was falling just fast enough to not seem static, and just slow enough that you could stand and watch one flake for a while. It was so nice I had the urge to grab some of my friends and drag them out to see it.
Letters #1
here is an excerpt from one of them.
BEGINING
I think letters are a bit underrated. The art of correspondence has been lost to the closer connectivity of email. Letters do feel so much more personal, it's such a great feeling looking in your mailbox and seeing that you got a letter from an old friend, or a new one. Those sorts of letters fill your heart with joy, because you feel remembered. That person PAID to send you mail, they cared enough to write a three page, one page, 20 page letter to you, and to pay to send it. So I feel like writing a letter to my friends, make them feel special like that.
For all that what I am doing right now isn't a lot to write about, I have dreams, and goals, and memories to share with you, to tell you about. But first off I need to tell you what I'm up too (that is how it usually goes eh?)
Running is so fun. That is why i'm ecstatic about the beginning of track season. Though our team does not yet have a coach we started training Monday. We ran 2 miles Monday, 2 miles Tuesday, I ran 5 and a half miles Wednesday, and 2 miles yesterday, and 2-3 miles today. That sounds like a lot, but its not to me, because the joy I derive from running is quite present. The pain I sometimes get makes me feel more alive. After a good hard run you feel EVERYTHING and that's good. I feel muscles I did not know I had, and that makes me truly comprehend the fact that I am ALIVE.
Also I'd like to tell you the story about one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen. (there's no flattery involved or anything.)
I was on a bus in Mexico, on the Yucatan peninsula. This area is Mayan country. I forget what my sister and I were going off to see (we have a trip together every year, this last years trip was to Mexico). We had gotten into a habit of sitting in the front right side seat of the bus so we could see out the front window and see all this beautiful green land, and all of these beautiful brown people. On this particular bus there was a young woman with either her mother or her grandmother. To most she would seem rather ordinary. But her eyes, they were a deep beautiful blue. to see this beautiful Mayan girl, with a rather round face with these strikingly blue eyes made me feel quite enamored. But at first, and even shortly after I did not fully comprehend the beauty of this girl. Until I looked at many girls, many boys, many men, many women, and saw how few had these blue Spanish eyes did I realize that I had seen something that in all of my travels I may never again encounter. But not only did this girl have eyes of sapphire, she could sing. To entertain themselves she and her mother/grandmother sand songs, folk songs. The mesh of voices, old and ragged, yet still beautiful, and young and pure, was enough to make the bus ride much less monotonous than any other I have ever been on.
I have so many vivid memories like that. Of different places different people. I can occasionally remember whole conversations. But it's so amazing to me what sticks with me. I hadn't thought so highly of this Mayan/Spanish girl when I saw her, but in retrospect she was amazing. That's how it is with so many things though. You don't realize what you have until it is gone. With friends I only miss those who are no longer with us, or in this town. That means I don't appreciate my other friends as much. I suppose this is really just a way to show my appreciation, to tell you of things which, though I have told them to others, mean a lot to me.
Love, Patrick
Monday, March 13, 2006
The Snow is NOT Just Fine With Me!
so despite my usual attitude, and my normal motto, for this half of march, the snow is not just fine with me.
Friday, February 24, 2006
Chiodos
If you aren't one for heavy music it's unlikely that this band would appeal to you, they play music of the genere Screamo. Most people have a disfavorable opinion of screamo. I, being in a screamo band, realize its full potential and awesomeness. no other music today is fostering as much inovation, or doing so as quickly.
Chiodos is one of those screamo bands which exemplifies this innovation. (others would be Finch, and Alexisonfire)
Also, Chiodos' live show is amazing. if anything their licks and riffs are tighter live, considering the intricacy and inherent dificulty of their recorded work this is an amazing feat. Also What i feel to be the most important aspect of any live performance, crowd response, is better than any i've ever seen. (or been a part of).
The crowd response defies words, and because of this I will not marginalize it with an explaination.
Surely this band will go down in history as one of the greatest bands of the 00s. (if not that then they will certianly be recognized for underapreciated brilliance)
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Unclaimed Territory - by Glenn Greenwald: Rules for Political Discourse
makes me feel Proudly Irresponsible (both articles refer to the same Bush speech)
Unclaimed Territory - by Glenn Greenwald: Rules for Political Discourse
Monday, January 23, 2006
Of Spies and Speeding Tickets
Now I'm not that mad, but I must admit that it has been on my mind since I got it at about 12:30 this after noon.
The only thing that got my dander up enough to keep the ticket out of my mind was seeing Alberto Gonzalas (the Clarence Thomas of Latinos) lie on national television (The News Hour with Jim Lerher).
What did he lie about? Spying. In particular electronic surveilance of phone calls. He claimed that the program which El Presidente instated which bypassed the FISA courts only monitored calls with suspected members of Al Queda, and those people conversing with them. The lie in this has to do with not being able to get a warrant. If, as our good friend Atourney General Speedy stated, people linked to Al Queda were the only targets a FISA warrant would be a non issue. the NSA wouldn't even have to get a warrant first, they could get one afterwards. If these people being monitored were truly tied to Al Queda then a warrant would not be hard to get. (it should also be noted that in it's entire existance the FISA court has rejected less than 10 warrants) Clearly not all the people monitored were truly connected to Al Queda.
yay for violating the Fourth Ammendment.
well at least googles with me on this stuff.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Proudly Irresponsible.
"While it's perfectly legitimate to criticize my decision or the conduct of the war, it is deeply irresponsible to rewrite the history of how that war began," President Bush told a largely military audience in Pennsylvania, in a speech to mark Veterans' Day. (The Guardian, Nov. 11 2005)
This is a rare situation where I agree completely with President Bush. It is irresponsible to rewrite the history of how the war in Iraq began. It is clearly and completely irresponsible to claim that we went into Iraq with the sole intention of procuring Iraqi freedom. Whether or not it was a well agreed upon noting that there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, it is irresponsible to, after the war has already been launched, give the troops a new purpose.
Personally I am surprised that El Presidente even recognized the legitimacy of criticizing the war, through this administrations time in power they have shamelessly quelled negative responses to the war, in the form of hand selected audiences in “town-hall meetings”, in the form of designated “Free-speech Zones” (as if all of America weren't intended to be) to keep protesters away from political rallies, and by refusing to even listen to proponents of peace, including but not limited to Cindy Sheehan.
“The stakes in the global war on terror are too high and the national interest is too important for politicians to throw out false charges," Mr. Bush said. American troops, the president went on, "deserve to know that their elected leaders who voted to send them to war continue to stand behind them". (The Guardian)
yes, the troops absolutely need to know that their elected leaders continue to stand behind them. The troops need our total support. Why then do they not all have proper armor, why then are we still driving our 2 mpg SUV's creating a larger demand for oil and putting more pressure on our troops to sustain Iraqi oil pipelines, and why then do we remove all ceremony from the transportation of our fallen heroes from the place of their deaths to our own soil? Not only do we not fully support them by making sacrifices at home and by giving them the protection they need to properly do their jobs, we add insult to injury by not fully recognizing those who have died for their sacrifice, for their life.
If suggesting that criticism of a clearly tenuous war is irresponsible wasn't enough of an affront to American ideals, this speech was made on Veterans Day. A day meant to honor our fallen soldiers, a day meant to honor those who have given their time, or their limbs, or their lives to protect our nation. On this day Bush does nothing more than criticize his critics for trying to bring our troops back alive. And Bush has still not gone to a single soldiers funeral.
Next time you bring up the myriad of irresponsibilities which have been part of and which have surrounded this war, you may want to remember that you are culpable for it, and for many of it's failings. This seems to me to be just a little like the famed “mission accomplished” photo op.
Nice going.
The entire original coverage in the Guardian can be found here
http://www.guardian.co.uk/usa/story/0,12271,1640964,00.html
Thursday, January 12, 2006
how to use an introductory whisper
how to use an introductory whisper
Though it is a little known technique, I am constantly getting questions on how to use an introductory whisper. In that sense this title is quite blunt. But if you would, do notice that it is also very soft and hardly there. That is an introductory whisper.
You may be asking yourself “what is so special about that?” and this is, after all one of the questions I have set out to answer. What's so special is that it isn't special, or rather, that in being so ordinary as to illicit no response, it is nearly invisible, and therefore very special. It is special by being especially un-special.
Why wouldn't you want your introduction noticed? That is something I find rather obvious, but for those of you who are less informed on the general structure of our world I will explain: in many an introduction, something horrible, or controversial, or harmful is introduced. Why put yourself at risk by placing such a topic up front for everyone to see?
When such a topic is right upfront you open yourself to many unwanted attacks. For this purpose an introductory whisper is very valuable.
There have been rumors of people disappearing because of using an introductory whisper. This is of course because introductory whispers tend to make controversy disappear. I am going to refute that claim, though ideas do tend to disappear when using an introductory whisper, there are no documented cases of people disappearing from using an introductory whisp......
Saturday, January 07, 2006
Zine Failure
I tried somthing similar in elementary school, but that publication got shut down by "the man", (the teacher), because it had selectivist tactics. but that's another story.
As far as the Punk Zine I tried to start, I recently stumbled upon those articles again. In retrospect they were alright, but nothing special. (I atribute that to them all being rough drafts, but i'm likely just being too kind to myself). I talked to one of the other colaborators about it. she doesn't seem interested anymore.
oh well. I guess it just wasn't in the cards.
Monday, January 02, 2006
Circadiana: Welcome
Circadiana: Welcome
Saturday, December 31, 2005
City of God
it was a great film.
but that's not the entire point of this little diatribe. While watching it I couldn't help but think of another little gem telling of life in brazil I had encoutered before.
about 3 or 4 months ago, i read the book "Waiting for rain: the polotics and poetry of drought in northeastern Brazil" it was a book resulting from a Fullbright grant, and it was greatly interesting.
part of the reason City of God made this book pop into my mind, was the reality of the location of City of God. The City of God (the slum) was created partly for housing of propertyless drought refugees.
both are brilliant.
and I suggest you go out and watch City of God tomorow, and start reading Waiting for rain the day after.
seriously
get to it.