I should be asleep now, but of course it is Friday so I've a reprieve. Went to a show and a party. Both were good. I'm getting much better at being the designated driver. That doesn't seem like it would be very hard to get used to, but the associative nature of memory does tend to make me feel odd when not drinking at a party. Of course the nature of parties in Davis is very drink heavy, conversation or other activity light.
This is a problem to a certain extent, but I've gotten over the problem with the putting on of an English accent, and a healthy sense of apathy. The whole purpose of a party changes when you no longer are drinking and trying to get laid. I tend to make the party into a time to meet people, and a time to be entertained by the stupidity of others. I tend to be straightforward no matter what, but drunk people don't notice this, so a statement about how they are being stupid is taken as a joke, or a chide. It makes my conversations much more interesting. So though I feel a little bad about it, I essentially enjoy parties because I get to fuck with people. I don't always intentionally do so either, sometimes I just try to talk to people and be entertained, but that always gets boring.
I much prefer the sort of gathering where it's just friends and there's a hanging out aspect to all of it. That is always far more enjoyable, sober or drunk. Meeting people at parties doesn't make much of a difference. I've met many people at parties, and I know them, but I know them in the context of parties, rarely do the connections go beyond that. It's a hard thing to figure out.
Honestly I'm getting to a point where I'd rather hang out alone with people I know. It's a seminal moment when one realises that.
I'm only twenty one, but I feel a little too old for those sorts of parties. I'm more suited to drinking with friends, or going out for a pint or two. I can understand both of those things, but the wild parties of my youth seem so shitty now. When I was really drinking a whole lot it was just with friends anyway. That's the way of things for me. This larger set of connections doesn't work. I'd rather meet someone at a dinner party, or at a little gathering that's quiet and a little boring than at a loud party where there's nothing but tumult and drunkenness.
I guess realising that can be seen as a particular milestone. I'm certainly likely to try to get smaller gatherings going. When I move into my new apartment next year, I'll try to get smaller gatherings like that together. It will be a better space for those.
Having to go to other people's events is a bit of a hassle. It'll be nice to have a place that's more resolutely my own.