Late nights, Guitar, and Idiosyncracies.

There are a lot of nights where playing guitar and writing keep me up far past when I should be down to bed. It's a common phenomenon for me. I don't even consider tiredness in all that. It's separate from the bipolar though. When I'm Manic I go out on walks at three in the morning on a week night because I just have to go out and walk, because I just need to be moving. It's far different when I stretch my night longer and longer because I've been writing and playing.

When I was a little kid I used to play with my legos so intently that when I finally realised I had to pee (which was when I was near wetting myself) I had to run to the bathroom. It was a really sudden thing. I got so into the world of my legos, and so into what I was doing that nothing else was important. Eating, Sleeping, Peeing. these things only happen when they absolutely had too.

I think that is one of the things I can really separate from my madness. I may be obsessive and energetic by chemistry, but I feel like even when I'm my most normal, least chemically imbalanced, this singularity of focus is pretty common. flight of thoughts is pretty common too. That's where all this trouble comes in. The things that are more pronounced in mania are also parts of me when I'm not manic.

So I'm going to describe something interesting that I hadn't heard from anywhere else before I came up with it. It'd be nice to see if other guitarists feel this sometimes. I get what I call a "guitar high" If I play guitar for long enough, I sometimes (more often than not really) get this high that is very similar to being high on marijuana. It's bizarre, and notable by outside observers.

I also get Guitar withdrawals. I just want to play so badly. My hands even make instinctive guitar playing motions. I make stringed instruments wherever i can, and play anything remotely guitar like. more than a few days I just couldn't take. I try to take a guitar everywhere. The few times I haven't, I sorely regretted it. This is also something other people could tell you. I am just not comfortable without a guitar around.

Also noted, having a guitar to put all my energy into is magnificent. This conduit through which to spout whatever musical thoughts I'm having is a great thing. I love the feeling of strings on my fingers, and the callouses are marks of pride. If my fingers hurt a bit through the day, my day goes better.

That visceral connection between the strings and my soft fleshy finger tips (no longer so soft or fleshy) is so essential. The ability to say something that language cannot express is magnificent. I've mentioned what I mean by that in earlier posts.