Friday, January 09, 2009

moving into a darker stage.

Sometimes being so damn tired isn't a sign you need sleep.

I feel like I could drop right now. My eyes are a little watery and I know that if I lay down and get ready for bed sleep will take me away into a place far better than this.

That's where the tiredness comes from. The world is not right. I never assumed it was before, but where I before I felt optimism about my ability to face the worlds problems, I now only feel an open sore. Things that didn't worry me, but clearly should have, now flash up in the forefront of my existence in such a way as to highlight how much I hate some of the defining features of this world.

Bills. That's not what I'm complaining about, but bills planted the seeds of doubt into my fertile head. I feel tired in a more existential sense and less in a physical sense. usually for me the existential one leads to the physical one eventually. I'm afraid that may be what is occuring.

I'm afraid I may be moving into one of my darks again, where no matter the worlds state, I see ill in it. I'm sure to see ill in it as there is ill in it, but in this darkened modd I see nothing but the ill. I don't see the trees as living things of beauty, I only see how few of them there are. When I notice pretty girls I don't revel in their beauty, I simply am reminded that I have no one.

It's one of those times. I think it may be temporary, but that thought has been had before, and it has been wrong before.

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