Oh my god. What a fucking night.

On the bike ride home I wrote five blog posts in my head, and forgot all of them. I think I'm going into a hypomania, along with my thoughts came these admonishments to stay home instead of going out in a reckless fashion. Tonight I felt like everyone loved me.

I went to two parties, this after a day of playing a lot of music. somewhere between 4 and five hours of it. My fingers ached with the feeling of strings digging into pads. at the first party while we played beer pong outside my left hand had odd joint cramps that I haven't felt since playing with my highschool screamo band in a garage in below zero winter.

It was a pre-arthritic shocking pain that causes my fingers to ache when I even think of it. I thought on the bike ride back that my fingers were tumescent, and corpulent with ache.

That party was good and bad. I felt out of place, and was out of place, yet when people left all of them knew me. When people left I had some tie to them, and now people I basically hate as a mater of principle think of me as something admirable in some way shape or form. of course I felt like everyone liked me, that's the think. As much as being all hypomanic makes everyone like me, it makes me think everyone likes me more.

my friends and I stayed longer than we had expected too and didn't get to the next party on our list until around 230. It was a hippy danceparty in the best way possible. I don't know what it is, but I LOVE to dance. I could dance for ages, and for all that I automatically have a "if it doesn't get me laid why do it" stance much of the time when it comes to these things, I love the way my body moves. It's only when I don't care that things go well for me, and if they don't I don't care.

That's the best situation. I danced from 230 300 to about 400. It was magnificent. I changed the party. the party kept going because I created trends that were not there before. I got people playing themselves as drums, and at one point had three other guys singing an awkward four part harmony that modulated in all the wrong places. When the music stopped I started singing a song and had a circle of people singing a long.

That irrepressible charisma is why I love hypo mania. I have been amazing and crazy this week.(end?)

I have been right. and it has been magnificent. any tendencies of mine that are attractive come out, and the force with which my personality shines blots out most of the blemishes.

I no longer seethe.

The world is right, and though it is four thirty, I doubt I can sleep. I will try, but I feel another straight through night coming. I feel another fourtyeight hour run. I both love and hate that. there are brilliances and deficiencies that arise from that. I don't know what I can do to change it though.

I can control how I interact with people by choosing who to interact with, but I can't control how I interact with the world, with my room, with myself.