Saturday, January 03, 2009

a point about depression and existentiallism.

I really do wonder about a lot of things, and probably unduly. It's sort of a problem to be honest. I'm not entirely sure which comes first, the depression, or the contemplation of existence, but I know they're somehow connected. I've never met a person who's been genuinely depressed and hasn't had some serious thoughts about the nature of existence and it's possible meaninglessness. I'm also pretty sure I haven't run into anyone who put very serious thought into existentialism and didn't at some point have a serious depression.

There's something about those two which goes hand in hand. I'm leaning towards depression being the starting point. It just seems like the most likely cause. Feeling depressed like that brings out existential questions. Also, the problem of evil becomes painfully clear, and any belief in a theist god you may have had before come into serious doubt.

for those uninitiated in the idea, A theist god is one who is 1. Omnipotent (all powerful) 2. Omniscient (all knowing) and 3. omnibenevolent (all loving, or loving of everything it created)
The problem that no logical argument has been able to circumvent, is the problem of evil. Basically it is impossible for there to be evil in the world and for a theist god to exist.

If god were all powerful, all knowing, and cared about us, then he would know where evil existed and how to stop it, he would also have the ability to stop it, and he would want to stop it because he cared about us. Therefore, the fact that there is evil makes one of those three postulations about god untrue. If there is evil god mustn't be all three of those things.

It makes perfect sense, and theism doesn't. People come up with various cop outs, suggesting that god only cares about his followers, and things like that, but of course evil still happens to his followers. Ultimately such a god is completely illogical. That's part of why I don't capitilise god. god is not a name, it is a title that we use to denote a deity.

the point is, I'm convinced there isn't a god in part because I've had to face the problem of evil more directly, during my serious depression(s). It's something that seemed very very clear when my chemistry made me feel that everything in the damn world was worthless.

I'm not saying that only the chemically imbalanced are likely to have serious existential doubt, but I don't see how someone who is really happy could. I don't know how someone who hasn't had something bad happen to them would worry about the likely hood of a cold uncaring world.

when everything goes well, and always has, there is no reason to doubt a world of good, but that is not a bill of goods easily bought by one who's felt physical and mental pain that made death seem a better option.

just seems like a point that needs to be made. One doesn't decide to believe in god, one simply is dealt the hand they are dealt and then works with it. I can't chose to believe anything, partly because it's illogical, but partly because belief isn't a choice, it's a delusion that hinges on external factors.

1 comment:

Bipolar Speaks said...

I'm sorry that you are not feeling well. I was dianosed with Bipolar Disorder in 2005 and for a long time I wrote about my ups and downs, struggling with the "why's" and questioning things as well.

I now own the blog "Bipolar Speaks" and it has been a great project.

I recently went to college majoring in Psychology. Its a great major and very interesting. Good Luck to you.